“It has been my observation that the surest way to guarantee a man’s ability to turn on a woman and drive her mad with desire is through good old-fashioned courting.” – Lou Paget
Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.” So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and he slept; then he took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh at that place. The Lord God fashioned into a woman the rib which He had taken from the man, and brought her to man. The man said, “This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called woman, because she was taken out of man.” – Genesis 2: 18, 21-23 (New American Standard Bible)
The bible is without a doubt one of the greatest writings yet produced on this Earth. Not everyone that exists is a religious person, but millions of people are all over the world. Even those who are not connected to a specific religion do have some kind of spirituality or basic belief system. It would appear that this very passage in the bible has been the foundations of the way men have and continue to perceive women throughout history and even still in today’s society.
Not only is religion hard to understand, but the English language in general can be just as hard to understand. The words have so many different meanings that we see them in various writings and yet have to really stop and think about what they mean in their particular pieces.
The Holy Bible is without a doubt one of the greatest writings ever produced. Although the world today is not as challenged by religion as it once was, it still effects virtually every corner of the Earth. The above passage is the very thing in which many seem to manipulate more than any other one. Many religious organizations teach that women should not have the same rights as men. Many of them also teach that women were placed on Earth as a servant to men. I must stop and wonder about these teachings… if God were so loving and kind then why on Earth would he ever create something only to be a servant to another? In order to understand what has happened within this, we must look to the actual definitions of the word that is being used; in this case the word is “companion.” According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary the word servant can have the following meanings: 1) one that accompanies another, 2) one that is closely connected with something similar, or 3) one employed to live with and serve another.
It is here that we see the English language manipulated in its biggest form. Based off the fact that women have so much power over men just through mere physical attraction, men have thus degraded them by claiming that they are meaning number three, they were strictly meant to be man’s servant.
It is my belief and general observation that most women within modern society are more knightly than most men. I know this sounds harsh… but I am not here to be friendly! One must look at the general behaviors of “women” in order to see which one is more honorable.
Women tend to be more laid back in the physical aspects then most men. It is not that they are incapable of fighting or defending themselves, it is that they do not get hot tempered until they know there is no other choice. For women, violence is often a “last resort” were as with us men it is normally the “first” thing that we do. In many ways this can seem like more of a weakness… however, one who rushes into battle is without a doubt a fool. A passionate and intelligent person would take the time to get to know their enemy. As such… when a fight does come to take place, a woman is more likely to know everything that the man is going to try and do. One must remember that in most cases, the best offense is a good defense! Truly knowing your enemy is a very powerful defense, and thus can become an offense as well. Us men on the other hand… act more with the muscles in our arms or pants more than we do the muscle in our head. Lastly, I must commend women on the fact that when they do finally fight… they do so with extreme passion! Passion, I am afraid to say is something that many men in modern society do not know anything about.
Let’s take children as an example next. In the event of a woman accidentally getting pregnant… she often faces that challenge head on. As we all know, many men often hear the word “pregnant” and secretly begin to mentally plan their escape while he tries to smooth talk and say he is going to be there for her all the way. A man will be the first one to say he will be there for the woman every step of the way, and yet he will be the last to actually follow through with that oath. Sure there are women, who often get scared, I think this fear has more to do with her partner’s reaction though then it does her actually having a child within her belly. There are even women who say they do not want the baby and that it may even possibly ruin their life. The amazing thing comes when the child is actually born… that child suddenly becomes the center of the mothers universe despite her possible previous rejections. Many fathers will react the same way upon seeing the child. In many cases though, the moment the head begins to crown there will be a sudden breeze and when you turn around you will find a man shaped hole in the door from where the man crashed right through it during his quick escape.
In relationships of a short or long term status… men and women also show big differences. Women have a tendency to show some serious weakness here, often times they will give everything they have into each relationship. If something begins to go wrong… most women stick it out and think that it can get better if they put more effort into it (this can result in them getting seriously hurt). For most men, the moment something goes south… they are already mentally or physically packing their bags. It may perhaps seem as though a woman giving so much would be a weakness, however that is really not the truth. I must commend them once again for giving it a sure chance and not running away at the first sign of danger. I must curse most men for them being so willing to run away at the first sign of danger. Yes women do have a problem with knowing when to call it quits (they hold on longer then they probably should most of the time), but at least I can say that they made an effort!
The only time I can really say that a relationship can not be saved is during a verbally abusive one or a physically abusive one. As we see everyday in the news there are a lot of women who get beaten by their husbands. We see through many women’s self esteem problems that there are a lot of men who are verbally abusive as well.
Boys are young and can in fact make mistakes and then learn and grow past them. Boys often fall victim to pulling girls hair and teasing them on the playground. Sure it is not right but it is also a natural phase that most boy’s go through and then they learn the proper ways eventually. Older men on the other hand obviously have not learned better through their years and thus it is very safe to say that if a man is 25 to 30 years old (or older) and is still hitting women, he will always continue to hit women. Sometimes when something breaks, it can not be fixed!
In these examples… the woman is actually the stronger of the two. Why are they stronger? To put it simply… they care a lot more about things then men do. Men are physical and women are more spiritual (remember that being spiritual does not always mean religious). A Woman posses a natural passion for many things that man just simply does not.
I could sit here all day and continue to name the ways that women differ from men and how women are good at some things and men are good at others. I am not going to do that however because it should not matter who is good at what or who is better at what. There are a lot of things that women can learn from men and there are a lot of things that men can learn from women. While there are certain ways a man should always act when in public and around other men, there are also certain ways that a man should act in regards to women in general. It does not matter if you are romantically involved with a woman or not, all women deserve to be treated with the same manner of respect. As a man you will indeed always treat a woman you love better then a woman you do not love and hardly know. What I am about to mention though applies to all women in general.
The simplest way of thinking is that women always come before men. That does not mean a man should worship the ground in which a woman might walk. All it means is that women are beautiful and they deserve the right to be shown attention and affection at all times.
Stand when a Woman Enters a Room
A man should stand when a woman enters a room. This applies in a general sense of first meeting a woman in public. If you are lounging around at home with your wife or girlfriend she is not going to expect you to get up each and every time she comes and goes.
Always Pull out the Chair for a Woman
Women should again not have to be burdened with such petty things. It shows your loyalty and keeps it in her mind that you know she is present. Never allow a woman to begin to think that you are not thinking of her, we all know where such thoughts can lead. No point in wandering down a path that I am sure many of you men have wandered before, as the old saying goes “flattery will get you everywhere.” I would not word it that way, I would say, “flattery might get you everywhere.”
Kneel to Kiss a Woman’s Hand when meeting for the First Time
The Hollywood movie Hidalgo comes to mind in regards to this action. During one of the earlier scenes of the movie a woman offers her hand to Frank T. Hopkins (Viggo Mortensen) who happens to be a Western cowboy that is not familiar at all with the foreign ways of treating a woman. He does not know what to do with it and therefore he just shakes her hand.
Had he been more observant then he would have realized what it was she was looking for. When a woman offers her hand for a handshake it is often with the thumb up and the palm to the side. When a woman is offering her hand to be kissed it is often with the palm and fingers down.
If a woman offers her hand to you in such a way then it would be proper to clasp the tips of her fingers into one of your hands and then kneel down on one knee. You should raise her hand to your lips slowly and gently; anotherwards do not suddenly tug or yank on her hand. Make sure that when you kiss the “back” of her hand that you do so with your lips and don’t try licking or slobbering all over her hand. This is not meant to be an arousing or sexual act in general; it is simply recognition of her beauty.
In most cases a man will not have the opportunity to perform an act such as this. Many people do not shake hands when meeting and even fewer women offer their hand for a man to kiss when they first meet. A man can not simply grab a woman’s hand and kiss it. If a woman desires to make contact or to have her hand kissed then she will offer it to him. While I believe in this act, many women no longer do.
Open the Door for Her
Back in history it was common for men to have women lead the way due to the possibility of attack or ambush. I find this absolutely horrifying that any man would value his life over that of a woman. Things are no longer as brutal as they once were; obviously there is not a fear of attack or ambush in our day to day lives anymore. Opening the doors for a woman is yet another one of those things that some women today take great offense to because it could once again possibly mean that a man is trying to say the woman is weak. I do not do this because I think women are weak, I just do not think a woman should have to be burdened with such minor things. Try and avoid smart comments when doing this for a woman, just hold the door for her and give a little nod if you feel it appropriate. Saying “after you ma’am” is something that could seem sweet or possibly offensive, try to avoid it unless you know that particular woman well. Saying, “ladies first” is probably yet another phrase that could possibly be offensive to a woman that you do not know. I would stick to a nod or nothing at all until you know your audience.
Carry Items for Her
This appears to be another thing that is no longer very common in modern society. Perhaps women see it as a control issue, kind of like saying that they are not strong enough to carry something. It should give the message that as a man you do not believe a woman should have to carry “to many” items at once. Try to focus this on certain situations such as, helping with groceries, luggage, shopping bags, etc. If you see a woman carrying more then her arms seem to desire to contain then relieve that burden from her. While offering to carry something for a woman when she has a bag or a book in her hand seems nice, you have to remember that it really isn’t making the same impact as it would if she were to have a stack or books or a handful of bags.
Maintain Eye Contact
It is proper respect to look a person (male or female) in the eyes when you are speaking to them. Most men normally allow their eyes to dart around her body and pay close attention to a woman’s breasts or legs. It is of course human nature to have both that attraction and that reaction. However, a man needs to do his best to pay attention to what a woman is saying to him. More importantly, a woman needs to know that he is in fact paying attention to her. Keeping your eyes in contact with hers will show that you are in fact listening even if you are not necessarily talking a lot.
Watch your alcohol
Many people enjoy a drink now and again; some doctors even say a shot a day is actually good for you. Us men tend to be a little heavier in the drinking department. This needs to be monitored by you because it presents a negative image of you to your partner and any possible future partner(s) that sees you that way. Remember that there is a time and a place for everything, drinking all the time is not going to show you in good manner(s), your actions will slip, your words can slip, and the list goes on about possible issues it can cause. I am not saying to stop drinking, just limit how much. A lot of guys seem to find it nice to go home and pop open a beer before doing anything else! The first thing you should always do is acknowledge your wife or girlfriend and then your children (if you have them). Remember to put them first! While I am not a religious man, I do like what the Holy Bible teaches in regards to alcohol. Alcohol is more then welcome to be used but it should not be used in an abusive manner. A man or woman should stop himself or herself before they reach a point of being totally drunk.
Watch the Language
I do not like these words in person or even just casually mentioning them here, but words like these… pussy, cunt, bitch, slut, whore, dike, and the list goes on (you have the idea). These words are not okay to be using, some women might like hearing them when in certain moods, but the majority of them will not and until you know that you should not even think them let alone actually say them! Never use them around anyone not even other guys! Doing so could make you accidentally slip some time when you are around a woman. There is a time and a place for everything, this however is one that really does not normally have a time or place either.
Maintain Good Table Manners
It does not matter if you are within your own home, or out in public, there are certain things that are okay and then there are certain things that are not okay. Sitting at home in private with the family, out in public with the family, perhaps out on a date, at work, or even just hanging out with friends… there are certain ways in which one should behave. I could sit here and say that you should never have your elbows on the table and that you should always place a napkin in your lap. I am however not going to lecture on these particular things because they are a matter of personal taste. I am going to say however that one should not engage in yelling or raising their voice. Saying, “excuse me” after passing gas is a very big courtesy issue. It is considerably more appropriate to actually leave the table to do these things, but if by accident you do pass gas then you should apologize for it. I know that it is already embarrassing enough to disrupt the meal as is, but it is even more disruptive to not offer an apology after interrupting the meal. Be mindful of your language in general, you are obviously not the only person there and one should make sure that your language would not offend the others. I would not suggest foul language at all even if your party does not mind it, however that is obviously your judgement call and not mine.
Listen
People speak because they have something to say. Obviously they desire to have someone truly listen to what they are saying or they would not bother saying anything at all. When someone is speaking to you then turn to him or her and make eye contact. Do not just nod along or say “okay” a few times, as this is very annoying. If you really do not want to talk right then, then make sure to politely tell them that. You should also make sure that you make a mental note though and find them later to have the conversation that they were trying to have with you.
Not only is listening to another when they are speaking a matter of respect, but how you return the conversation is also going to show your level of respect and maturity. Never use your fists as a resolution to a problem. If you are in a heated conversation and need time to breathe then express that to the person in which you are speaking to. If they are as well mannered as you they will then give you some space so that you may cool down.
Communication is the foundation for everything! It is essential that you discuss your feelings with anyone you are close to. People can not possibly know how you feel if you do not specifically tell them how you feel. Be mindful not to hurt the person in which you are dealing with, and do not allow them to hurt you. With time and practice, you will learn that virtually any problem can be solved if you are able to talk about it together.
No Means NO
If someone asks you not to do something or to stop doing something after you have started then you need to be respectful and follow his or her wishes. As people we often get carried away in the moment and thus allow ourselves to do things that we would not normally actually want to do. Because of this it is very possible that we may begin something and then suddenly realize it is not right and then want to remove ourselves from that situation.
While this can apply to many different things in life, it has a much bigger result in regards to relationships between men and women. A lot of men hound women to perform various acts (sexual and even non-sexual). More often then not a woman is not going to feel comfortable with what is being asked of her. With persistent and smooth talking men, often times the woman will do, as the man desires despite her ill feelings about it. At some point in time she is going to wake up (maybe during or maybe afterwards) and want the activities to stop. I know a lot of men who complain about this and I have to wonder why it is they are complaining? The truth is that in this kind of situation, the women did not even want to start and due to the man being a smooth talker, he then convinced her to do that in which she had no real desire to do. Considering she originally told the man no then that man and men in general have no right to get upset when she gets up and walks away or just asks the man to leave.
If you are a man that does not want to be in this kind of situation then do not allow yourself to be in it. Before you attempt something you should discuss it with the person or people that are involved. Since you are actually a legal adult I would suggest that you actually act like one. If you are a real man and truly love those around you then you would never want to do anything that might make them uneasy. Talk to them and make sure that they give their opinion and then you give yours. In the end, both sides should be respected and no pressure or smooth talking should be used. What is better… a woman truly giving herself to you, or her giving herself to you only because she has no other choice?
Let a Woman Make Her Own Choices
To explain this I am going to use an old story from the legend of King Arthur (Arthurian Legend).
In short… Arthur looses a duel and is told that he has so much time (365 days, one year) in order to solve a riddle/question or come back and forfeit his life. The question is… What does a woman want?
For the next year Arthur and all of Camelot tries to find an answer to this question. Needless to say, the great king and his great city are unable to figure this question out.
With his 365 days (one-year) up… the king rides to his fate. Along the way Arthur comes across a very disgusting looking old woman who asks him, “Why are you so cheerless?” He responds by telling her of what is to come of him and why. The hideous woman cackles at him and tells him that she can answer the question. Hearing this, Arthur tells her that he will grant her anything she wants if she would be willing to help save his life. In return she supplies him with the answer, “What a woman wants most is to have her own way.” Upon telling the knight who beat him the answer to his question, Arthur is freed from having to forfeit his life.
Now freed and cheerful again, Arthur gets word of what the Loathly Lady desires in return for her having helped. She desires to marry one of his Knights of the Round Table!
Being the most noble of the knights… Sir Gawain steps forward to marry the lady (Dame Ragnelle).
Upon their wedding night (which Gawain has been dreading since she is a hideous old woman) she reveals to him that she is actually a very beautiful woman. She was cursed so that she would only be beautiful for half of the day (a reverse story to Shrek where the princess was beautiful by day and hideous by night). She gives Sir Gawain the choice of whether or not she should be beautiful by day and hideous by night, or beautiful by night or hideous by day? He ponders this for awhile… should she be beautiful by day so that all of the men can envy what he has, or should he only allow her to be beautiful by night so that he can have her beauty strictly to himself? In the end, he says the choice is not his to make, but is in fact her choice to make. Upon giving this answer… the curse is lifted and she remains beautiful for all the future days and nights.
A man should never speak for a woman unless she asks for it. A man should never make a decision for a woman even if she does ask for it. It is not proper to speak for another and it is not proper to think for another. While you may intervene when a woman is in jeopardy you may not think and speak for her.
While those are all things that I think are mandatory when dealing with a woman, there are also more things that should be done for women that you care for.
It never hurts to take a moment from your day to give a gift to your loved one. Many people seem to think that all gifts require money. This is not the case… there are numerous things in which you can do for a woman that does in fact involve spending money. There are also numerous things that you could do in which you do not have to spend any money at all. Sometimes the cheap and simple gifts are actually more meaningful then the big expensive ones. Often times it is the little things in life that actually matter more then the big things.
Remember that when you do something for someone else (especially someone you love) it should not be done with the expectation of getting something in return. The definition of a gift is… something voluntarily transferred by one person to another without compensation. If by chance you do happen to get something in return then you could accept it, or if you wish you may decline it. Do not go off getting upset though if you do not get anything out of it. Giving something only to get something is not what gifts are all about! If you give a gift to someone and they give one back to you then it is not really an exchange. Obviously you have done something that made them feel something and they suddenly desire to make you feel something similar in return.
There are a lot of men who think that they are the ones who court the woman. When in fact it is actually the woman who courts the man! A man can not get anywhere with a woman unless she allows it to happen. You can buy her a drink, but she has the choice to accept it or reject it. You can send her flowers, but she can turn away the delivery if she so chooses. If you lean in to kiss her then she can either lean in as well, thus accepting it or she can lean away and reject it. It really is more her choice then it is a man’s choice. The best way to get a woman to not reject you is by being polite, and by being polite you must have and show proper manners and respect towards her and everyone else. How ones friends and family feel about you will often have a very significant impact on how a specific woman feels about you.
Here is a short list of things you can do for your loved one to show your appreciation or affection on a consistent basis…
Send her flowers: Flowers are something that many women enjoy, there are a few things to consider when sending a woman flower’s though. Flowers do eventually die; therefore you want to make sure they are as fresh as possible. If you go out on a date and bring flowers then you have to remember that once the date is over the flowers then become a representation of your feelings for her and overall impression of her. If you really care for her then you would take the little bit of extra time or money required in making sure that the flowers are fresh. Every time she looks at them she is going to remember you, obviously the longer they last the longer she will remember your gesture.
Something to keep in mind when getting and giving a woman flowers is the meaning of the flowers you send. Yes, it is true; flowers do actually have different meanings! For instance… a red rose can be a representation of love and respect, just respect, or just love. It is most common though for the red rose to be a symbol of love. A yellow rose is commonly a representation of friendship. You can mix these two flowers to send a message of “a loving friendship” if you desire to. The real point being in the fact that you can actually create a secret message with the mixture of different flowers. There will be many women who would decipher you message quickly and others who will have absolutely no idea what possible message it gives.
You do not always have to actually go to a store and buy the flowers. You can always stop along the side of the road and pick a wild flower(s) to bring home. You could also take them from your own garden (if you have one) before you walk into the house. Either way, it is the thought that counts!
Breakfast in bed: While your lady is asleep you can sneak out of bed and prepare her a nice breakfast of your choice. Obviously it would help a great deal to know what her preference is and then prepare something that suits it. Grab a tray and bring it up to her, place the tray next to her. Gently awaken her, when she awakens she will be greeted with a pleasant surprise! Always a good way to start off the day now isn’t it? Nothing is better then a beautiful and genuine smile from a woman!
Cook a dinner: Even today many women still seem to mainly be the cook of a lot of households. Sometimes it can be a real treat to cook the dinner so she does not have to. This would work well just about any given day; it would work best though if you happen to know your lady has had a rather stressful or bad day. Obviously she would be even more stressed at the idea of having to go right home and prepare a meal. Imagine her surprise if she was to walk in and see a meal already prepared! Talk about a sudden stress relief and true moment of happiness.
Jewelry: Jewelry can be a tricky thing… not all women like jewelry and some women are actually allergic to certain types. This is something that you should buy if you know the woman you are buying it for. Nothing is worse then spending a large amount of money and then getting it home to her just to discover she does not like it or is unable to wear it. This could result in possibly a bigger hassle then anything else, I know it is a very nice gesture, but you may want to stick with something that won’t possibly backfire.
Calling to say hello: Sounds strange doesn’t it? Sometimes it is very nice for a man to make a spontaneous call to his lady that will show her he has been thinking of her even while they are apart.
Cuddling: Us men are known for only getting close to a woman when we want to get a piece of action. Imagine the surprise when you actually get close to your lady without actually trying to take it further. Wrap your arms around her and hold her, bring your head to hers and just lay there. Allow her to feel the warmth of your body and the thump of your heart within your chest. Allow yourselves to drift away together to a far off place and just relax.
You may just decide to take a moment to gently run your fingers through her hair. Perhaps gently run your fingers over her thighs and stomach. This is a time for enjoying each others company though, and the object is not to get some action from her.
Allow a little free time: Our lives can become very chaotic rather quickly can’t they? If you happen to be a married couple with children then I am sure you know this all to well! If your wife happens to be the one who deals with the children most of the time then it can be a very nice surprise for her if you change the role. Take the initiative to arrange the opportunity for her to go and get away. Take the children out of her hair so that she may use a much earned and needed hour or two alone where she could possibly just sit and relax, read, or maybe even take a nice warm and relaxing bath. What she wants to do is her choice, but you need to be the one to create the opportunity.
Go for a quiet walk: I must say that even when you are alone it is very peaceful and relaxing to sometimes go for a walk. This could be a stroll along the beach, a walk through the woods, or walking down the street after a nice snowfall.
This is one of the reasons I love the state I live in so much. The population is pretty small as is, but after a fresh snowfall it is nearly totally dead outside. Going out afterwards and walking around is wonderful cause the snow is covering the trees, it crunches lightly under your feet as you walk, overall it is very enjoyable. It provides a temporary escape from all the worries and troubles of the world.
Do the dishes: Many homes today all have automatic dishwashers, not all of them do though. If your woman happens to be the one who not only cooks but also does the dishes afterwards as well then you could relieve some of the duties from her. If she has to ask you to do the dishes then you have just failed. The trick is to get up somewhat promptly without being asked and do the very thing that she would normally do. This is a very small but possibly very meaningful gesture. It could give her a small moment of time where she can now go relax, or maybe she will join you and dry them as you wash. Either way you have just gained something, either given her an added moment of relaxation, or got an extra moment of time together in a joint activity.
Draw her a bath: There are lots of women out there who enjoy the relaxation that comes from soaking in a nice warm bath. Light some candles and scatter them around the room to cast a gentle illumination and then toss in some bath salts or some bubble bath and allow the tub to fill. (Make sure the aroma’s all compliment each other otherwise it could become a environment that is not very enjoyable very quickly). If she has had a long day at work or even just around the house then she will be very pleased to be able to walk into such a gentle environment.
Dance with her: Not everyone likes to dance, but for those who do… allow yourself to be caught in the moment. It does not matter if there is actually music playing or not, if you feel the sudden urge to sweep your woman into your arms and dance then go ahead and do it! It will have a much bigger effect if it is unexpected then it would be if you actually planned on going to a club or ball.
Write her a note: Sometimes it is wonderful to just leave a simple note somewhere that your woman might not normally look. You could leave it in a dresser drawer so she is surprised when she opens it. You could leave a note on the bathroom mirror if you know she is about to go right in after you have taken a shower. You could arrange the refrigerator magnets to say a special message.
The last time I was visiting my brothers house I noticed that there was a ton of miniature magnets all over the refrigerator. Each magnet has one word, and they we arranged into a poem. I stopped to ask them who had done the poem. They told me that they make it a daily ritual for one of them to leave a note or poem on the refrigerator using the magnets. Sometimes they blindfold one another and then they each pick ten words. Once they pick the ten words they then try and figure out a way for them to describe their feelings or relationship with each other using only those words.
This is a perfect example of what I am talking about. Sometimes little things like this can be a great deal of fun and have very some very deep meaning.
Start her car: If you happen to live in a cold area where you get snow some of the months in the year then you can make it a point to go out and start her car for her in the morning. Take the time to brush it off and let it heat up so when she gets out there she doesn’t have to freeze her butt off.
A picnic at work: You can always drop by her office unexpected with a picnic basket and have lunch together.
Compliment her: Always remind her how beautiful she looks, how great she smells, and so on and so on. With some women, flattery is the most wonderful thing to them. Never pass up the opportunity to tell and show a woman how you feel about her.
Obviously there are more things that you can do for her. Every woman has different desires; this should help get you thinking in the right direction though. If you feel I should add something more, forgot something or got something wrong feel free to leave a comment.
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